then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
