Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
