did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
