True but thats because hes a fetus.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
