Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
