He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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