Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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