I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
be right there i have to get my cape
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
