i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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