life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
