I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
