Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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