dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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