I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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