My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
