I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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