So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
