It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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