So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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