I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
