Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
