Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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