A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
