According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
