I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Come see our sink grown plant.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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