yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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