i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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