I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think i have two assholes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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