hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
