He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When are your genitals available?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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