I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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