the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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