bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
