Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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