I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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