Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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