I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I didn't shave. On purpose
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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