how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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