I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
