Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
