I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
