Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
