drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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