Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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