The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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