So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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