3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
