By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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