At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
