Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
