so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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