I can text with my tongue
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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