I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
