He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
