I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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