Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
