I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
