Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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