I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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