OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
