its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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